secret #760

Hear by ~g00dapple on deviantART

Can’t you hear it? When I scream it in my head to you. Can’t you feel it? When I kiss you and try to force the thought into your mind. Can’t you see it? When I stare at you longingly, pleading for you to return something… anything.

secret #759

+Memories Last Forever+ by ~THH-Kaos on deviantART

Everything is over, the days where you held me tight in a loving embrace are long past. The way you used to smile just for me is just a ghost. The written words of an eternal love are scripts of the past, and the spoken promises of forever no longer hang in the air. Still, I have these memories and moments. I will always have them, because when you said you’d love me forever, really you meant you gave me the chance to be loved by you, and that will forever be true. That will forever belong to me.

secret #758

self esteem. by ~skinnyboytron on deviantART

You’re perfect. You are so beautiful, and amazing, and I know loving you would be easy, but I’m so afraid of the rejection that will come (right away, or after a while) that I can’t bring myself to speak to you. I hope I find you after I find my self esteem.

secret #757

World In My Eyes by ~WhiteTrashBeautiful on deviantART

Of course I did! I’d do anything for you. You silly boy, can’t you see you’re my world? Even if you hurt me sometimes, I’d do anything for you. I know you must care a little by the way you hold me close.

secret #756

Broken Heart by *Bambr on deviantART

I’m starting to think the times I’m “over you” are really just waiting periods until you break my heart again.

secret #755

Crystal Ball 2 by *Trish2 on deviantART

I’m so scared that one day something horrible will happen to me for being with you, but then I think about all the things that already have, and what have you lost? What troubles have you faced? But you’re the one who always says no.

secret #754

Love Bug by ~Foux on deviantART

I am so obsessed with my new man that I can’t think strait. When I’m at work, all I do is write to him, or write poems about him, or chat with him. Meanwhile, my work is piling up and walls are falling down around me. I know this is wrong and have never been like this before. I hope I don’t get fired.

secret #753

Forever Yours… by ~VisionPhotography on deviantART

I said forever, I meant it. Even if you didn’t.

secret #752

hug me by ~acupofcoffe on deviantART

Please just hug me.

secret #751

My Fantasy by ~sjthunder on deviantART

This Saturday, I went to see a new movie with my boyfriend and I have not been the same since. At first, I really liked the main character; he was funny and sexy. I fantasized about being with him (no harm done), but later I began reading and learning more about the actor playing the part… A few days later I found myself obsessing. I have watched all of the music videos, interviews, and YouTube clips that I could find. Now, I feel as if I know him (clearly untrue, since we never met), but I find myself fantasizing more and more about meeting and becoming one with the actual person. When I remind myself why we could never be together (which is about every couple of hours), I get depressed and sometimes even cry. It feels like I’m being dumped, emotional rollercoaster fiver times a day. He is famous worldwide beyond any belief, he is talented in so many ways, and I know that a chance meeting would be an incredible rarity. We are separated geographically, socially, culturally, and most likely emotionally (since he does not even know me and here I am obsessing). I know all this, yet find it difficult to continue my everyday tasks at the moment.

I believe this fantasy has gone too far. I went on a diet and began loosing weight just for a chance that we will meet some day (lost four pounds in a week). My boyfriend keeps wondering why I am so cold and distant, but I am just in my own little world, fantasizing… wishing he would be someone else. While at work, all I do is read articles about him and watch his video clips on my Blackberry. I even password protected it, so noone could know what I watch or listen to.

Even while writing this, I am realizing how crazy I am. I know I tend to get “stuck” in my emotional world. If I am angry – I stay angry for a long time, if I am happy – it is difficult to knock me off my feet. But I know that this can not last any longer. Today, I am making a conscious commitment to stop any kind of research or “contact” (mainly indirect) with my obsession for the next few days. No more YouTube, no more music, no more video clips, or news articles. Wish me luck…